The article that I’m about to introduce was originally supposed to be added-on to the end of my previous post dedicated to Michael Phelps, but after being tickled pink by the tongue-in-cheek approach of Simon Barnes, I have decided that it warrants its very own post!
Although the article did initially focus (inevitably) on Phelps, The Times’ Simon Barnes couldn’t help but start to wonder: Where are all the breasts? I haven’t watched many of the women’s swimming events, but no doubt the more dedicated viewers of the sport might have noticed th change in some of the female competitors’ body shapes, as illustrated by the photo below:
I’d say she’s female, judging by the painted fingernails, but then again, you never know …
The second half of the article discusses the proven sporting merits (5 new world records!) of the new hydrodynamic Speedo LZR Racer swim suits, which, says Simon Barnes, “increases hydrodynamic efficiency by compressing the body so the muscles don’t flap about so much” when you’re in the water.
Of course, there is always a downside to such wonderful technology (according to Speedo, the new range is ultrasonically bonded so there are no seams); SB mentioned ‘wardrobe malfunctions‘ that could only have been inspired by ‘Janet Jackson’ (it happened twice to the rather unfortunate medal contender Jessica Schipper) as apparently it breaks quite easily, which has even prompted one swimmer to wear another suit underneath to save herself from baring all.
Given the track record so far (even Phelps wears the legs-only version) I think the important take-home message for other female athletes from that article is this:
It’s worth looking a bit flat-chested if you want the speed …(and) you can always regain your femininity when you have wriggled out of the damn things after the race.
For more of Simon Barnes‘ blog posts from Beijing, click on the link below!